I'm terrified of this American dream. I'm so blessed to be living it, but I don't think it's right for me. I know I'm always critical on this blog, I'm sorry. In a critique quite recently someone commented on the fact that the majority of my work is sad. I was surprised by this; I'm the happiest I've ever been. Perhaps I use painting to work the sadness out. But the thing is, I've just gotten back to the USA after making a life for myself in Italy. I'm not saying Italy is in any way better than the US. Both have their weaknesses, both have their strengths. But I am having serious culture shock, much worse than I had when I got to Italy. There are things here that don't make sense.
Everywhere I look, everywhere I turn my ear, everything is about diets, bodies, weight. You can't look at a magazine without there being something about new diet fads, and the commercials on the television are ridiculous...I was flipping through the channels and there was even a show titled "the best and worst beach bods". Seriously America? I don't like watching TV, but I know the majority of people do. I don't know how there are any girls left in this country who don't have an eating disorder. How can children develop a healthy relationship to food when they see foods that advertise less fat, when their parents are obsessed with their own weight, and are bombarded with information about dieting? People can't enjoy food, and oh my goodness food is one of the greatest pleasures there is to enjoy.
But I guess food is far too simple of an item to be a luxury, to be something that is treated with respect, love and admiration. I don't think that the American way of life really lends itself to being able to stop and smell the roses, to being able to appreciate the little things. Can people see the simple beauties of their life? One of the most beautiful things in the world to me is when I wake up every morning, and see the morning light peaking in through my curtains. Or simply enjoying a piece of fruit. Do other people stop to see the beautiful moments, the simple moments? Or are their minds so busy with tasks and lists and desires that they are unable to see what is around them? I didn't have a hard time slowing my life down and simplifying in Italy. I'm having a hard time doing that here.
I think we are all made to live a certain way. While in Italy I began to become aware of what that way is for me. I wanted to come home and continue to live this way, live my own "American dream". The American dream, well for me, it's something much different than what it seems to be today. For me the American dream is being able to go out and live the way I'm supposed to live, not in exactly the same way as anyone else. Thats the American dream now though-to live in the suburbs with a white picket fence and an suv or two. But that doesn't make sense to me (don't get me started on suv;s or how silly the suburbs look to me right now), how can that be the American dream? America was supposed to be the land of opportunities, not the land of consumption, or conformity. "Life is plurality, death is uniformity". I think people have lost sight of themselves, are unable to live the way they are supposed to live; the culture of America, the culture of lifestyle branding, consumption and dieting has gotten in the way, confused people, blinded and distracted people.
When I was leaving Italy I became aware of how hard it was going to be for me to live my own life, live the way that feels right and necessary to me, but I didn't know it would be this hard.
