Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

xoxoxox

Remember when I used to be good at blogging? oh yeah, me too

Well, I've been a pretty rotten blogger lately and I have to apologize. I'm home safe and sound from my journey, and there is still a lot more writing about it to come. Currently I'm still internalizing it, while also joining in on all the holiday crazy-wonderful-fun-ness. I hope everyone out there had a wonderful, magical Christmas!

Harrods! All decked out for the holidays!

My last weeks in London were quite fun. I was ill for a good portion of my time there, but that didn't stop Matt and me from getting out and about. Let me tell you, the Victoria and Albert museum is the coolest place in London, possibly. There is EVERYTHING there. Textiles, sculptures, paintings, amazing gift shops, lovely cafes....it has it all. If you are in London, you HAVE to go there. I'm serious. Just for the bronze-casts rooms.

Let me explain. There are two HUGE rooms filled with bronze and plaster casts (from plaster molds) of pretty much all of the most famous stuff around the world. It's all life size. So the pulpit from Pisa's Cathedral is in a room with Trajan's column. I'm not kidding. There is one room for all of Europe, then another room for just Italian stuff (and the all-of-Europe room is half just from Italy...basically what I'm saying is that Italy rocks...if you didn't already need proof). It's so trippy and cool!

Matt in front of trajan's Column.

the David, in London!

The V&A has it all. It's an amazing resource for an artist-so much information, so many patterns, designs, sculptures...all in one place. It's also just a really fun place to get lost in. So if you're not an artist, still go. And if you are, give yourself a whole day there, you will need it.

My favorite sculpture in the V&A

I also checked out the Turner's again, and went to Keats' house on the last day in London..which I felt was an appropriate way to end the trip. But more on Keats and my Keats journey later.

London is quite the city....I don't think I could ever live there to tell the truth. So much going on, so many people, so much fast, fast movement. I don't think it's for me. It was quite an adjustment, going from Florence to London. Florence is so small, slow, relaxed and OLD. London is old, but not old like Florence. And it is certainly not relaxed, small or slow in any way. But it is inefficient in a lot of ways that Florence isn't (London's bus system is insane...Florence's was much more manageable).

I guess I'm just not a big-city type of person. Or maybe I'm just a nowhere-competes-with-Florence type of person. I don't know. All I know is that I miss Italy terribly.

Beautiful last day in London

But lets face it-this is just more my style

ROME ROME ROME

Pictures from Rome! I'll write about it soon.

everything changes/nothing changes

As I write this, I'm currently sitting in a warm, snuggly apartment in London, staring out the window at snow on the ground. CLEARY I'm not in Italy anymore. But I want to talk a bit more about Italy, Florence specifically. These thoughts are something I've been working on for my whole time in Italy, so it's probably best that I publish it now.

Things in Florence were strangely the same, and strangely different. There were things I forgotten about the city, that are still the same....and I was completely delighted by these discoveries. For example, Florence has a very particular odor, which I had lost remembrance of. It's a smell of chilled grime mixed with leather and the old-ness of the city. As I walked into the center for the first time I was hit with her smell, and it took me back to my first moments in Florence nearly two years previous. I couldn't help but smile, and be so thankful I was there. The water in Florence has a very particular smell as well, and my first shower was so exciting because all of a sudden I realized I was in Florence, all because of this smell. When you walk around the center, and see the corroded, hole-y pipes that they are pulling out of the ground, you understand the weird smell of the water, and why you have no water pressure or heat during your shower.

grimy, old city

There are still hoards of tourists, roaming about, being rude and not paying attention to their surroundings. There are still hoards of gypsies, begging for money, and there are still all the men selling umbrellas and roses, getting all up in your face.

There were things that had changed, though. In the San Lorenzo market, for instance, the police were much more present. Clearly there has been a crack down in the past two years concerning the counterfeit goods. I saw many less tall black guys selling stolen purses (though I still saw my fair share).

And the mayor of Florence has been making a concerted effort over the past year to make the Piazzas actual piazzas again-public spaces that the public uses. He wanted to stop people from leaving the center for shopping, living, eating, etc, and essentially turn the center back into a vibrant lively city. So the roads around the Duomo are no longer for cars, and the majority of the piazzas that once had roads going through or around them, no longer have cars in them. It's SO lovely to be able to meander around the Duomo, or any of the other piazzas, without any cars to worry about or hear. Clearly the plan has worked, because lots of people were in all the piazzas, all the time. Go Florence!

Yes, that's a Christmas tree. Yes, I was excited. But look-no cars in the road, just people!

I also noticed this time that there was a lot less cat-calling and bothering by young men. Now this might be different because of a change in Florence, or it might be a change on my part. I'm thinking it might be on my part. I'm thinking I probably look a little older than I did two years ago, and I'm no longer flanked on either side by blond girls who I'm talking with in English. That right there, I believe, is the biggest reason I wasn't bothered as much: I wasn't obviously a student, or an American. I also think I might have looked a little pissed off the majority of the time I was walking around-a result of me being lost in deep thought, combined with the fact that was pretty much only listening to Kid Cudi or Kanye my whole time in Florence, and I don't think anyone looks all bright and cheery when they are listening to hip hop (walking around a VERY old city listening to hip hop and rap was a very weird thing the whole time, but obviously it worked for me).

Also, something really wonderful was the same and also different. On the last Wednesday before I left, I was wandering around San Lorenzo, looking for Christmas gifts, and I wandered over to a scarf stand, only to be looking right into the face of my friend Alexandra. Now, two years ago, Alexandra was the woman working at the stand when I bought my first scarf. She showed me how to tie it cool (so I would "not look the same as the other girls") , and from then on we were friends. Her stand was right outside my door, and every day before class I would come out and chat with her. When I left, she told me she and her husband were moving back to Romania.

So of course when I got to Florence this second time I looked for her, but wasn't surprised to not see her. I assumed she was in Romania. Oh my goodness I was so surprised when I saw her, and she and I both screamed out loud. Turns out, she and her husband went back to Romania, liked it, but really just missed living in Florence. We ended up going out to dinner on Thursday, which was Thanksgiving, and I don't think there was a better way to have spent my Thanksgiving in Florence (didn't hurt that she took me to this AMAZING Neapolitan pizzeria and I had the most amazing vegetarian pizza of my whole life...she even remembered I was a vegetarian!). We laughed and had so much fun. I was so sad to say goodbye to her, but we exchanged emails and promised to keep in touch.

A perfect Thanksgiving

That's sort of the thing about Florence though, is that that's the sort of stuff that happens there..magic encounters that illustrate the beauty of life. Just like my last time in the city, I really struggled initially. Last time I was missing my family, struggling with roommate issues, feeling like a weirdo, and this time I was struggling with missing people, the buses, the language barrier...essentially I was struggling with being isolated. I think that's part of Florence though. If you're there to be in Florence, to live her (not just for a weekend as a tourist), she makes you work. You struggle, its HARD. But, just like my last time, by the time I left, I loved her: she had given me so many beautiful gifts, she had opened up and showed me beauty.

I often talked with one of the directors at the studio I worked in, about why some of us Americans (and the English), come back to Florence over and over again. I don't know any one else's reasons, but I think I know mine. Florence isn't easy. There are ugly parts to the city, there are ugly parts to your stay there. Things are confusing and upsetting sometimes. But despite all of that, and probably because of all of that, Florence is beautiful. All of that difficulty opens you up, so that you can really feel the beauty, the awe of Florence, and of life....feel it around you, but also IN you. Everything is intensified and clarified.

I came back to Florence again to be pushed out of my comfort zone, challenged, so that I could wake up in life again, grow and become closer to myself. I feel that all of my time spent walking around, riding buses, and painting has helped me to become more open-open to other people, open to beauty, but most importantly open to myself. Florence helped me before to learn how to listen to myself, and it helped me to do it again this second time.

I feel all excited about what's coming my way, about all the stuff I'm making, all the people in my life, all the things I'm doing and going to do.

Thank you, Florence.

a note about the picture

I included this picture in my pictures from Matt's visit to Florence. I never got to explain the story behind it, though.

The second time I climbed the Duomo, almost two years ago, I climbed it with Melissa. It was a wonderful, relaxing, thoughtful experience. I didn't take too many pictures, because I was enjoying her company. But I did snap a picture of this graffiti. I thought there was something very beautiful and sad about it....something very poetic, really. It made me so thankful to be up at the top with someone I really cared about.

Sometime after Melissa had returned home to Ada, I showed my friend Biz the picture and she fell in love with it, too.

So when Matt and I were at the top, I told him I wanted to find this graffiti. I didn't know if I'd be able to, but I really really felt this urge, this need to see it again, all of a sudden. And so I started looking, turned a corner, and BAM there it was. It was just there, right in front of me. I was shocked by how faded it was! And I really don't think anyone could really notice it, its so faded. But there it was, it presented itself to me. Whoever YS is, I hope he/she has made it back with someone by now.

With Melissa, almost two years ago

How it looks today

seasons of mist (part 2)

I have now been in Florence for 3 weeks, to the day. A month here is clearly not going to be enough time, but I have been fortunate enough to come back to my city, so I'm not going to complain.

A lot has happened these past three weeks, and I expect this upcoming week to be no different. I'm prefacing this post with these points because I think this is going to be an ongoing post. Hence the parts.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. The three of us who are here doing the residency have been hanging out quite a bit. One of my new friends is a girl who it still in college, the other is a young man who has been out of school for a while and works at a workshop type place in Maine. The three of us get along quite well, and it has not only been nice to make new friends, but I think the relationships are helping me grow as an artist. We discuss everything from the perfection of banana gelato to love of dead writers.

Yesterday the three of us went to Pitti Palace to see a Caravaggio exhibit as well as check out the museum/palace in general. Pitti is a fun place to see, just in general. Throw some Caravaggio's in there and you have something even cooler.

What was REALLY fun was that it all of a sudden it stopped raining and the sun came out (this is literally a miracle as it has been raining non stop for just about forever). So we booked it out of Pitti, grabbed some delish lunch, then walked up to Piazza Michelangelo, and then on to San Miniato. The views were clearly (as you can see from my pictures in the post below) spectacular. I forgot how much I used to enjoy walking up into the hills on the other side of the Arno. I'm so thankful I got to go back and enjoy it, especially on such a wonderful day.

San Miniato is a really beautiful church, with a lovely pre-renaissance facade. If you are in Florence, make the trek up to it. You can see what inspired the exterior of the Duomo, then turn around and look at the Duomo.

Another really awesome thing about San Miniato is that there is a beautiful, expansive cemetery behind it. Anyone who has ever made the mistake of mentioning Paris around me knows that I LOVE Pere Lachaise and I love a good cemetery. Let me tell you, the cemetery at San Miniato is almost as cool as Pere Lachaise. Almost. Delacroix isn't buried there, though.

Being in the cemetery yesterday was perfect timing for me. The sun was getting low and golden in the sky, there were birds chirping, roosters were yelling, the air was moist and cool, and I could faintly hear the organ playing inside the church. I was also alone. My comrades had gone off to explore, and there wasn't anyone else in the section I was in.

I find cemeteries to generally be very contemplative, meditative places, and this one was no different. The atmosphere was enhanced by the time of day, the general wetness from the rain, and all the mist and clouds.

One of the things that has happened here in Florence is that my brain has literally not shut up for the past three weeks. I have been thinking about a myriad of different topics, and its all sort of constantly swimming around in my head. This is always happening, but when I'm constantly with my friends or family or co-workers, or just generally in a place that has signs and music and posters and people speaking a language I understand, I can get away from this constant thought for large chunks of time. Here, though, I cannot.

It's not like I'm sad or thinking dreadful, angsty things. Quite the contrary. I find myself consumed with thoughts about paint/colors/textures in general, Keats and the richness of the landscapes he discusses, the patterning on the Duomo and what it all means, my own musings at the place of the artist in todays society, how we are all interconnected, and, and always, I am trying to listen to and understand my ever-changing emotional interior.

Back to the cemetery. Being there yesterday was perfect timing, as I said, because it allowed me time and a specific space to let all my thoughts, dreams, and musings to wiggle around and grow. I just kept looking and looking at the statues, the names, the flowers, trying to figure out what it all means. Staring at the Duomo, at all the beautiful reminders of life and death around me in the cemetery, I tried to reconcile it all in my head. Why we do all this weird stuff when people die, like put their pictures or fancy writing on gravestones, or why we bother to make these beautiful spaces, or why I even bother painting at all. I couldn't "figure it out". And then I realized that NONE of us can, really. We all don't know why people die. We don't know really why we are alive (though most of us have a pretty good feeling as to why, we feel we have some purpose pushing us onwards). But we all are here, we all have time, we are all connected. And why we do all this weird stuff-like build beautiful monuments and erect statues over graves- hell we do this stuff because we don't know what else to do. We just do what we CAN do.

I'm there trying to figure out what it all "means" like some angsty teenager when there isn't some huge great meaning to it all. It's just all of us, being humans, being all interconnected and stuff. It's all just there. We've all put it there because we can. We don't know what else to do in the face of life, death, and the whole great big universe. We built beautiful spaces because we can, because it helps us to feel more connected to God, the Kosmos, and each other. We put grave makers and statues down over the bodies of our loved ones because it helps us to feel closer to them, as well as helps us to remember they are part of bigger things now. We don't know what else to do, so we do what we've been given the tools to do. We're all grasping at straws, but we're grasping together, and thats actually really beautiful. That's the meaning right there.

After the cemetery I went to the English mass in the Duomo. As always I cannot help but be humbled by the amazingness of the universe. The priest talked all about living your vocation, the importance of working hard at your calling, be it doctor, student, policeman or artist. We have to do what we can do with the time we're given.

Everything is so beautiful. I love you all.

seasons of mist (part 1)

Hello loves! I'm quite exhausted from a busy, wonderful past few days. I have been doing so much thinking, creating and exploring-there is so much to talk about! But first, I need some sleep. I want to share some pictures though.

pics of the studio!

"finding Florence"

Today was a wonderful day. I returned to the studio and real life (so to speak) after the wonderful weekend, feeling renewed and ready to take on life.

I've been taking the bus every morning and every evening, in and out of the center. Riding the bus can be fun, relaxing, terrifying, stressful....it has been a great addition to this trip as well as the bane of my existence. What it has provided me with is a new, challenging experience every day. From being unable to understand the people who talk to me daily while I ride, to encountering people who seem a bit nuts, to buses randomly not coming (or randomly stopping), to seeing a terrible vespa accident.... I've experienced all sorts of things on the buses here.

Today's bus rides were, for the most part, uneventful. I felt very good going into the center this morning, and very relaxed on the way home (which really doesn't happen much). Where I'm going with this is that I think I am beginning to "find" Florence again, finally.

I loved Florence the last time I was here, obviously that's why I wanted to come back. But the Florence that I loved so much, the weird, dirty, wonderful, magical place that it is, has been hard to find this time around. Maybe she (the city that is), is making me work harder now that I'm back, testing me to see if I really loved her. For the past two weeks there have been moments of brightness, of total openness and beauty, but there have also been an overwhelming amount of frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger, confusion....I wasn't in Florence the way I wanted to be, I wasn't open to her and her weird beauties. I've felt like an alien, someone who didn't belong...I felt trapped in a bubble that I was unable to break through.

No longer though! I think maybe this past weekend helped me to break the bubble. Seeing Florence through Matt's eyes was exciting. I think it helped me to see Florence again fresh, to take a step back from all of the confusion I've felt and actually embrace it, embrace her weirdness.

I drew and wrote inside the Duomo for quite a long time today. I love the space inside the Duomo, how empty, calm and quiet it is compared to the outside. While I was inside marveling, I realized how amazingly well the Duomo is a small representation of the vast wide kosmos. On the outside everything looks busy, fast, and separated, but the core is still. Just like all of us, we all seem so busy, so separate, but really we are all part of the universe, stemming from the same core of life. And of course, we have that stillness inside of us. Our exterior lives may seem insanely busy and stressful, but we are all able to be quiet and find stillness within ourselves, find that connection to kosmos.

I guess I had been forgetting for these past two weeks why I fell in love with Florence in the first place: because no matter where you are or what you're doing, whether it's riding the bus or standing at the top of the Duomo, you can't help but be aware of the fact that we are all just living people-we are all interconnected.

grass in front of the Duomo?

Yeah, I'm not kidding. They put a grass lawn up in front of the Duomo this saturday.

Why? Well, because Matt was in Florence.

Or actually, his trip coincided with the start of the "Florens 2010" festival. Basically, Florence wants to become a major creative and economic center in the world once again, and this was a festival to help jump start that. So they put out a grass lawn. On Friday they stuck a life size replica of the David on one of the side domes, and then moved him to the grass on Saturday. Yeah I'm not kidding. There was also a food market in piazza della reppublica, and an olive oil market in piazza Santa Croce. Matt came to Florence at a smart time. As crazy as all of that sounds, it's all so Florence (for any of you out there who have been here, you know what I'm saying...it just all was SO something that would happen in Florence).

We had a lovely, wonderful fun weekend. Climbed to the top of the Duomo (which was, of course, SPECTACULAR), ate a lot, wandered around...it was not super touristy, but it was very fun. It was very nice to share my favorite city with someone. And to have a break from the landscape stupor I'd been in all week.

On top of the Duomo

xoxoxox I love you all