Wednesday, April 28, 2010



"Many are making love. Up above, the angels
in the unshaken ether and crystal of human longing
are braiding one another's hair, which is strawberry blond
and the texture of cold rivers. They glance
down from time to time at the awkward ecstasy—
it must look to them like featherless birds
splashing in the spring puddle of a bed—
and then one woman, she is about to come,
peels back the man's shut eyelids and says,
look at me, and he does. Or is it the man
tugging the curtain rope in that dark theater?
Anyway, they do, they look at each other;
two beings with evolved eyes, rapacious,
startled, connected at the belly in an unbelievably sweet
lubricious glue, stare at each other,
and the angels are desolate. They hate it. They shudder pathetically
like lithographs of Victorian beggars
with perfect features and alabaster skin hawking rags
in the lewd alleys of the novel.
All of creation is offended by this distress.
It is like the keening sound the moon makes sometimes,
rising. The lovers especially cannot bear it,
it fills them with unspeakable sadness, so that
they close their eyes again and hold each other, each
feeling the mortal singularity of the body
they have enchanted out of death for an hour so,
and one day, running at sunset, the woman says to the man,
I woke up feeling so sad this morning because I realized
that you could not, as much as I love you,
dear heart, cure my loneliness,
wherewith she touched his cheek to reassure him
that she did not mean to hurt him with this truth.
And the man is not hurt exactly,
he understands that life has limits, that people
die young, fail at love,
fail of their ambitions. He runs beside her, he thinks
of the sadness they have gasped and crooned their way out of
coming, clutching each other with old invented
forms of grace and clumsy gratitude, ready
to be alone again, or dissatisfied, or merely
companionable like the couples on the summer beach
reading magazine articles about intimacy between the sexes
to themselves, and to each other,
and to the immense, illiterate, consoling angels."
-Privilege of Being, Robert Hass, courtesy of Libby

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

"I want a brighter word than bright"



There is this sensation for me, and I think for many other people, that upon the ending of something, everything around me becomes heightened. Ada in the spring is always beautiful, but this year everything seems brighter, more beautiful, almost dream-like. I can remember the last few weeks in Florence being much the same. The days seemed longer, the sun brighter, the people around me more alive and beautiful than I had ever noticed before.

I am trying to take everything in that I can, make the most of every day, be as open as possible. It's invigorating but also overwhelming (the fact that I'm preparing for an exhibit in a week is probably adding to this). I have the feeling of being completely awake at one moment, then lost in a dream the next. It's very perplexing.

Looking graduation in the face is a strange feeling. I cannot believe that I'm old enough to graduate, but a the same time I feel ready for a new challenge. As an artist, I have been understanding myself and my process in a whole new way, something that I believe started in Italy. It's time now to see where it takes me outside of a classroom setting. I'm lucky that I'm a painter-I can paint anywhere. But it is scary to think that I'm not going to be back in Ada in the fall, not back in school. I've been in school my whole life, I don't know what life without school is like. I'm not going to graduate school in the fall, either. I think it's time to get real life experience to teach me a thing or two, let real life influence my art. I know how to paint, and I know how to paint a lot, now its time to go out and do that, beyond the strange pretend-world that is college. Its a weird feeling, this freedom just on my horizon. It's scary in a lot of ways. But it's also wonderful.

Monday, April 26, 2010


Why NOT paint on trash? I go through periods of being hyper aware of all of the junk I accumulate and throw away. I am always trying to reduce my waste and live simply (something I feel I'm pretty good at, minus the whole oil paints, turp thing), but sometimes I feel like that's not enough. None of the work I'm making now, as an undergrad and soon to be rambling young artist, is going to really be any good. The good stuff won't come till I'm much older. I have to keep painting, but the impact of all of it gets to me. So why not paint on trash? I'd love to have a whole wall of Starbucks cups that I find, painted with landscapes. Probably not something I'll ever complete, but it's fun to think about.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I thing of beauty is a joy forever


I recently had the pleasure of seeing Bright Star, the Jane Campion film about the relationship between John Keats and Fanny Brawne. If you have not seen it, find a way to see it. It is a beautiful, sensuous, lyrical film, and it has been swimming in my imagination since my first viewing of it (I have watched it many times since). The film has also gotten me to start reading Keats, which I am very thankful for. I love the Romantic painters, why have I not read Romantic poetry?

Keats' letters are also worth a read-they are fresh and lively and sensitive and altogether entertaining. I have been going over and over in my head about his idea of 'Negative Capability': “I mean Negative Capability, that is when man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason...” He wrote in a letter to his brothers. Be open to life, to the mystery of life, and don't reach after thing that are ultimately pointless! Be in it! Ahh I love it. I think much of my own work is about me trying to do this; to be sensitive to life. And here Keats is, explaining it away.

Saturday, April 24, 2010



Lots of painting lately. I've been working on a lot of landscapes. It's interesting how I always come back to the looming landscape. I think living in the flatlands for the past four years has permeated into my subconscious. I can let my emotions play out across the landscape. These are two new ones. More to come!