beginnings and such

Hello all!

Well, it's official-I am now a graduate student. I live in Bowling Green, I'm employed by BGSU, I'm busy like crazy, and I'm loving it.

I work in the printmaking department, as the department graduate assistant. Basically I'm in charge of keeping the studio running. I'm also helping give tours on occasion. It is actually lots of fun.

More importantly, though, is that I have a HUGE studio all to myself and I'm taking some really interesting classes. My favorite is one about ritual studies in Renaissance Florence. Of course I'm in love. But it makes me miss home. I'm also having a great time with...paint. I'm just loving being able to paint again and get into it.

Thats all for now!

I miss you all and love you very much xoxoxox

Lets talk: Keats biographies

I recently finished Andrew Motions bio on Keats. I want to start by saying I think it was a very good, well researched biography. It moved fluidly, and I was able to finish it in a relatively short time thanks to Motions easy to read style.

But, of course, I think there are some draw backs to the bio. I have found now in all of the bios that relate to Keats or the romantics that I've read, I've been faced with only one really major drawback: each author works so hard to prove a point that somewhere along the line, things get, well...annoying.

Motions bio is a great point. He works so hard to stress that Keats was not a mamby-pamby, weak poet sitting alone on a hill, but in fact a robust, political poet, that it got to the point that I just kind of stopped caring. Obviously Keats was interested and influenced by the politics of the time, he hung out out Leigh Hunt for the love of Pete, but Motion got carried away trying to prove that Keats was a political poet. He isn't Shelley (THANK GOD for that!).

There where times where hearing about English politics just became too much for me, and I'm even a bit of a history buff. And more importantly, there were times when Keats was just lost from the text because of this obsessive emphasis on his politics.

In another bio on him, 'Posthumous Keats', the author Stanley Plumly works so hard to prove his point that Keats was a physician poet, that there were times where I felt that I was losing Keats to the ideas about Keats.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm kind of tired of hearing all these ideas about Keats. All of this analysis and speculating and working so hard to prove a scholarly point is, I feel, getting in the way of learning anything about John Keats himself. Why can't biographers just talk about what happened in Keats life and talk about his poetry without having to become all scholarly about it and prove some "new point" about him.

A new biography is coming out in October about Keats and his relationship with his brothers, taking the angle that those relationships defined him more than any others. I'm curious to read it, but I also think that all of this speculation is silly at times. Maybe a non "scholar" should just write a bio on him, so we can read something about him, not about ideas about him.

He lived, he died...now let us just read about him in peace!

Jesus, Judas, and Lady Gaga Part 1

Lady Gaga’s video for her single “Judas” premiered recently. The video essentially tells the story of Judas’ kiss of Jesus, and follows Gaga and a biker gang comprised of Jesus and the apostles as they dance and drink and wander around seedy bars, parties, and outdoor gatherings (representing, of course, the temple): places that most of America’s youth can been seen hanging around today. Gaga has stated that she is Mary Magdalene, and it is easy to see that within seconds of the video’s beginning sequence: she sits on the back of the Jesus figure’s bike (a beautiful young man, with fantastic cornrows, he is adorned with a golden crown of thorns and a bling-tastic necklace of crosses throughout the video), and throughout the rest of the video she is constantly at this figure’s side, kneeling before him, clutching him, washing his feet, etc.

The video is absolutely gorgeous; it is colorful, lush, textured, and decadent. Gaga frequently brings visual decadence to her videos, and this one did not disappoint. But that is not what is so interesting about the video. What is so interesting is that it tells part of Jesus’ story in detail, and in a way that is completely accessible to today’s youth. It speaks about a biblical story in a culturally relevant way.

One of artists’ most important functions in society is creating the mythology of the time; not only making myths and our collective human spirit understandable and accessible to the masses, but also creating the myths that directly relate to and speak of the time they are living in. Artists create the images of their time, there by helping to create the mythology of the day, and the images that will last into the future. These images will help to illuminate the artists’ time for future generations.

This ‘Judas’ video does just that. It is taking an ancient story: the story of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus through a kiss, and placing it squarely into our time. Gaga has created her own set of images in this video, but also uses images that are quite normal and understandable to the masses. The idea of Jesus and his followers being a gang of bikers is a perfect example of this. Each biker has his worn in, black, leather jacket with his name (John, Paul, Judas) elaborately embroidered on the back of it. Bikers are not an unusual thing in this day; thanks to the rising prices of gas, more and more people are taking to using motorcycles as a primary form of transportation. Even without the economic factors, groups of bikers are a normal sight on an American highway, and there are specific symbols and stigmas associated with them. There is a feeling of edginess associated with bikers: that these groups of people live on the outside of general society. They have their own private society, and live in a way that is not considered normal by the masses. They live their lives by their own rules.

All that could easily have been said of Jesus and his followers. They lived on the outside, living life not according to societal standards, but by God’s standards. Gaga has presented Jesus and the Apostles in a way that we can understand. These people and their story is firmly rooted in the present, and thus we can feel closer to them and their story. Especially considering more and more people are turning to motorcycles to save money in this economy, this imagery is imagery of our time.

The imagery of our time is all throughout the video, from the places they visit to the cheap beer they are drinking. The parties, the bars, these are all places that the youth frequent. The sets have elements of the past, of theatricality: the old church, the electric bar, they all seem to come from the past, but these sets are still rooted in the present. They are generic enough sets that the viewer feels that he has been to a place like that before. It makes the story of Jesus all the more relatable and understandable. Jesus and his followers were young men and women, living on the outside of society, upset with how things were being run, upset with the expectations and practices of society, just like the youth of today. As a youth of today, I feel I can say pretty safely I feel pretty disenfranchised. That’s why going to bars, to parties, to outdoor hang outs, makes sense: that’s all that’s left.

Even the medium, the presentation of this story in music video form, helps to better acquaint it with the people of today than reading a story in the Bible ever could. The youth of today takes in so many small snippets of information on a day-to-day basis, from texts to twitter to facebook statuses to YouTube videos. We don’t like things to be long, we generally need things broken up into small segments so we can take it all in. The music video, as a general medium, is formatted in exactly that way. There are small segments of dancing, close ups, bits of a story, different emotions, etc., all compiled into a neat, 5-minute video that can easily be consumed by today’s viewers.

With all of these different scenes, Gaga can talk to us about a number of things. She can talk about being a girl in love with a boy (scene of her riding on a motorcycle with Jesus, smiling wide). She can talk about despair over losing someone, over betrayal (cue her falling to Jesus’s feet after the kiss). She can talk about youth culture (cue drunk guys at bars, cheap beer). She can talk about so much in this small-snippets format of the music video. She tells a well known story, but because the video focus’ on her, not Jesus, she is able to add her own meaning to it. Here is facebook status of hers recently:

JUDAS is an archetype in our fantasy film: Darkness casted when standing in The Light. Destiny is a siamese force.

She uses all different types of media, all of the millions of things that her fans use on a day to day basis (YouTube, facebook, twitter), to talk about the video, to help explain it’s over-all message. Judas, as much as he is a figure from the bible in the video, is also a metaphor. He is a metaphor for so many things: for a bad boy that she can’t get out of her system (and how many girls can relate to that!); for the dark side of her that she can’t quite seem to get out of her system (all of us angst-y kids know about this!); for the bad that always comes with the good in life (by loving Judas, she is acknowledging him as simply part of God’s plan, as part of the natural flow of life).

She is taking Jesus and Judas and presenting them in a 21^st century way, in a way that her fans can understand and relate to. By doing that, she is bringing the mythology of Christianity into the 21^st century, making the myths of today, while still connecting it to the past and to a story and faith that binds us.

Don't worry, John Keats and I haven't broken up.

to keep things from getting all muddled up, I started a photography blog. That way my painting blog doesn't get all confusing.

Check it out! and often, I'm obsessively taking photos these days.

after easter

I was listening to Joseph Campbell lectures while painting today, and this one struck me as particularly appropriate due to the recent holiday, so I thought I would share.

"Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy."

thoughts on a windy day

I have a problem and I’ll admit it: I don’t like staying in the same place for too long. I don’t like settling down. I can settle in to a place easily, get comfortable for a short time. I always have something in my bag, a good book and a sketchbook and some chap stick, that can make a place feel like home. I’m obsessed with bags, I’ve never been a huge shoe girl (though I’m certainly warming up to them), it has always been about the bags…maybe my bags are my real homes. All I know is that I like to move about. Not too fast, not too slow. Just you know, keep moving.

Perhaps I’m this way because growing up, I was always going all over the place. Weekends at Dad’s house, summers in California. Then in college I never stayed in the same place for more than a few months at a time, really. It was school to home to school to Florence to home to school. Then after school it was back in with the parents, then out to Oregon, then back in with the parents, then to London, then to Florence, then to London again, then back to the states.

So, I move around a lot. I like it, its simple. You don’t have too much stuff to deal with, it’s excusable to go a few days without checking your email, and people don’t get pissy with you if you don’t answer your phone. I like being in a place long enough to be comfortable, to be challenged and pushed to grow, and then I like moving on to the next place. Settling in really sort of scares me, to tell the truth.

But I’m going to have to start liking it, because I’ll be settling in to Bowling Green this fall. BGSU offered me an assistantship for my graduate studies, and I’m not about to turn down a chance for free school. I’m excited about facing the challenge of school (god I’m a nerd), and to be around a group of artists again. Having a good studio space is going to be wonderful, too. There’s something exciting about the thought of my own space that I’ll inhabit for a while, but it’s also daunting. I get so very restless. As excited as I am, I’m also nervous. I’m nervous about being in the same place for two years straight, what if I start going bonkers out in the middle of nowhere? I’m nervous I’ll miss Florence, but if I’m being honest with myself, I’m always missing Florence (And, I’m actually going to go to Florence next summer for a month, because two whole years in one place would make me crazy!). I’m nervous about a million silly little things, and none of them I have control over. It seems that the older I get the more I find that to get what I really want out of life, to live as I wish to live and be my most authentic, true self, I must accept uncertainty as a certainty.

Growing up is so strange. I’ve realized a lot of things about myself recently. I’m not an adventurer. I’m not a person who likes wild thrills, recklessness, and seeing things just to see them. I like drifting, floating from place to place, moving about slowly and taking everything in that I can. Mostly I just want to learn as much as possible, feel and experience life in all of her uncertainty, terror, and beauty. Joseph Campbell said that we must “follow our bliss”, not money and security. John Keats and Nietzsche both talked about the importance of experience and difficulties to cultivate a life and a soul. Ultimately that’s what I’m trying to do with my life: cultivate it, cultivate myself, and cultivate my soul. It hasn’t been easy at times, and I don’t expect it to get any easier (the economy is awful and I’m a female artist…lets be honest here). But I’ve come to accept that life is going to be filled with difficulties. All I can do is embrace them, see them as a chance for growth and self-discovery. Certainly, it is easy to say this now. There are times when dealing with burdens will be overwhelming, I’m sure. But I’m determined to follow in my pursuit of beauty, to “follow my bliss”. It’s not just about creating art, creating beautiful objects. It’s about creating a beautiful, open life. Ultimately, my life is my art.

Wait, didn’t Gandhi say something about that?

when the sun came out for just a moment and it was so beautiful

Peeps

okay, here is the deal. A lot of my artistic energy has been going to something sort of silly, but totally lovely lately. A dear friend and I have been taking "Peep Pictures", which chronicle the lives of our peep pals. Here are some days in the lives of my peeps. Hopefully it will brighten your day. If the weather where you are is anything like here in Ohio, then you need it!

Hello!

Polaroid Peep!

Watching a storm roll in...

Reading before bed.

My dog attacks..

But they tamed him.

Lounging in the sun.

Light reading.

Goodnight!!!

transfers part 2

Soooo...

Transfers on to gessoed canvas=bad

transfers on to plain canvas=easy!

The photo was a bad image so it was no great loss to me, but it got pretty ripped up in the trial.

Here is a successful transfer from earlier in the week:

Transfers!

As you can probably already tell, I finally have a polaroid camera. I understand that my joy about this probably reeks of wannabe hipster (is there still such things as hipsters anymore?), but I don't care. I've wanted a polaroid camera since third grade when my best friend had one and we used to play with it at the pool.

I just love the instant nostalgia that a polaroid photo has- I'm a sucker for any tool, process, whatever, that can evoke emotion. The nostalgia makes ordinary images become beautiful, because they seem fleeting and intangible. I just love that. There is also a bit of creepiness to a lot of polaroids. I don't know how or why that is, but there are just some photos that just seem, well, kinda creepy. And I love weird stuff like that.

Needless to say, I've been going a bit crazy taking photos. I've also discovered something else fun. You can peel the pictures apart and transfer the emulsion layer from the clear plastic front, to another object.

This photo was successfully transfered.

This was the original image. Kinda crappy.

To do this transfer, you cut off the white stuff, then throw what's left (so the photo) into hot water, then wait until the layers fall apart. When you are able to take all the layers apart, you can very carefully, with a soft brush, peel off the emulsion layer, transfer to cold water, and then on top of another piece of paper. It's a finicky process, but if you are very careful about it, you can get some really cool results. If you're interested in trying it, I suggest starting with polaroids you aren't too happy about, so it doesn't matter if you rip the emulsion layer (this happens easily-like a said, you have to be delicate).

Here is a great video to help you get started:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p7WtPFttNg

This was my first transfer-notice how some parts ripped. I used a boring photo to try it out,

and the transfer really made it look more interesting than the original!

I love it because it is (hopefully) going to allow me to transfer photos on top of other drawings and writings. More experiments to come, which is making me very excited!

past sunday

waking up

I love daffodils. They signify the early spring, the time when its finally come and you're so hungry for it everything seems ethereal. Much in the same way that, just a few months later, peonies signify the beginning of summer, before the weather turns to warm for comfort.

Spring is just starting to open up here and it’s so lovely. I am always happy during the spring. I love change, I love transitions, and spring is that ultimate transition. The time between the extremes, but also full of extremes: with wild storms, wind, cool days and warm days and the occasional snow, spring sees everything. I always feel like I’m waking up in the spring. I suppose that my body is simply following the natural order of things, as spring is the time when the earth wakes up.

There is something so transient about this time. I am always filled with energy and insights, full of feeling and high intentions. A yoga instructor I once had talked to my class about how we must view winter not as a dark time, but as a meditative time. So spring is the moment of waking up, of coming to, after going inward. How beautiful.

spring photos and other such things

Well, first things first, spring is slowly starting to open up on us here in Ohio, and its wonderful. I am always so inspired by the spring. I feel as though, along with the Earth, I'm finally waking up.

All of that being said, I have news and what not. First, I have created an Etsy account! Please look it over, let me know what you think, and of course, buy something!

My Etsy!

I also spent about two weeks busting my butt on making my very own, grown up website, all about my work! So please, please, please check it out. Let me know what you think!

My grown-up website!

I've included some photos of the spring for all of you. I've been doing a lot of work on Keats-related stuff, as well as some photography experiments. This weekend I will be getting to posting about all of this, so please check back later!

xoxox

Em

oh Italy how I long for you!

Things have been so busy lately, with Matt's spring break, then my sister's. I've barely had time to paint, but I've managed to slip in some drawing and dreaming here and there.

the red sauce project

Hello my dears! I hope you are all well and healthy and safe. The other day on the phone someone wished me to have "a wonderful and safe day". I thought that was sweet.

Thats not the point. The point is that for the past four weeks I've been making a lot of red sauce. Because I'm on a mission. To make a great red sauce. I make a pretty good red sauce. But not a great red sauce. And I need to make a great red sauce. I love pasta too much to not be really good at it. I'll post some pictures and recipes soon.

beginning of things

From mid-October to mid-December of last year, 2010, I went on what I referred to as the JKP: the John Keats Pilgrimage. I later thought about changing the name of my trip to the John Keats Sojourn, to make reference to his famous poem, ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci’ (the poem is at the end of the post if you’re interested in reading it), but unlike the soldier in the poem, I was not searching for beauty in a dark place, I was continually finding beauty in an already beautiful places. So I decided to keep the name JKP. Because it was, honestly, a pilgrimage. A pilgrimage with a trip to Florence thrown in to make some work about the pilgrimage, but a pilgrimage none-the-less.

The definition of pilgrimage is: a journey of a pilgrim; especially : one to a shrine or a sacred place. The definition implies a journey that has spiritual significance. For me Keats’ house, the house he died in, his grave…these are all sacred places. This journey was as much about gathering information and creating work as it was about connecting to the kosmos, to Keats. There is something sacred about Keats work for me, something truly beautiful and therefore eternal in his best poetry. So he has become in many ways like a saint to me, a creative saint. Through his work, I have found a deeper understanding of beauty, and a more intense inspiration than I ever imagined possible. So for me, this trip was about trying to connect with my own hero, my own saint, so that I may gain a better understanding of him and his poetry, thereby informing my own work in a more powerful way. It was also, I’m beginning to understand now, more importantly about trying to honor and ultimately thank him.

So, why Keats? I honestly don’t know for sure. I have a lot of guesses and feelings, but nothing clear, nothing definitive. Last spring I saw the movie about his and Fanny Brawnes love affair: Bright Star, and was instantly moved. Then I ordered a book of his complete poems, and read ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci’, and truly fell in love with the poet. Something just clicked inside me, and has been clicking since. I couldn’t get enough of his poetry, of learning about him, about everything surrounding Keats. His best poems are so transparent…it’s never like I’m reading a poem by him, I’m simply in it, in the landscape and emotion and beauty. The poems are so in this world, yet at the same time so beyond it, into the next life, into some faerie land, into the kosmos, all at once. And Keats’ whole life…there is an element of the sublime just in the story of his life, let alone in his poetry. I don’t know why, but I know that it’s Keats.

Over the next few weeks, or really however long it takes, I’m going to write about the JKP and John Keats’ life and poetry and post it for all of you (along with regular, goofy, and fun posts, so you all don’t get Keatsd-out). Please feel free to comment and give your thoughts, critiques, and ideas. My plan is to, after I’m all done, take the posts and bind them in a book, along with photos and work from and about the journey. Thanks for reading!

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel's granary is full,
And the harvest's done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful - a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery's song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said -
'I love thee true'.

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep
And there I dreamed - Ah! woe betide! -
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried - 'La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!'

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill's side.

And this is why I sojourn here
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

the ice storm

A dreadful ice storm hit us here in central Ohio the past few days, and a lot of people (including myself) went without power for a while. It was kind of scary, but also really beautiful looking. From inside, because there was way too much ice to even consider venturing out. I took the opportunity to take some photos.

John Keats and a famous quote

A letter of Keats'

In 1818, the poet John Keats writes in a letter to his brother and sister-in-law, “I think I shall be among the English Poets after my death”. At the time he is writing this, Keats is broke and practically homeless, and it’s less than three years before his death. I keep coming back to this now-famous quote of Keats’ because there is something about it that is insightful, perhaps childish, and heart breaking all at once. I have often wondered if he truly believes what he is saying, or if he is saying it to put on a brave face after bad reviews.

There are moments when I paint that I feel it, it happens seldom but it does happen. I am completely in a painting, lost to the world, and when I get out of that trance, I can feel that I’ve made a good painting. There’s something inside of me that just knows it. Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m in no way trying to say that any of my painting comes close to being as good as Keats’ writing. But I wonder, does Keats feel that way when he writes that to his family? Does he just know that his ability and his writing would stand the test of time?

I think maybe so. He quits surgical school to dedicate his life to his poetry, essentially resigning himself to near poverty. He had to have a feeling that somewhere deep inside him there was writing that was eternal (he also maybe had some crazy in him). On his epitaph, he wants “Here lies one whose name was writ on water” written, which indicates that he kind of knows his writing is timeless. He wanted WAS. Not is. If it said is, his name would be continually presently written in water and continually presently being dispersed and forgotten. But it’s was. Critics at one point dismissed him; his name is writ on water once, but only for a brief spell. Sadly that brief spell came about while he is living.

It’s entirely possible that he is being arrogant and childish and just saying that to deal with bad reviews, but I doubt that. His letters and the love of his friends really don’t point to him being an arrogant person. The letters actually show just how insightful, caring, humorous and kind Keats is. And how sad it is that he dies so young.

“I think I shall be among the English Poets after my death” is heart breaking for so many reasons, chiefly being the obvious fact that the world lost a great talent long before he could strengthen his voice. We never got to experience Keats’ own “Prisoners” (I’m making a reference here to Michelangelo’s later works. The Prisoner’s series are a group of seemingly unfinished marble sculptures of figures. But they are much more than that; they are humans being born from the rock, who are still trapped by what they came from. Yes his first Pieta is amazing, yes the Sistine Chapel is unreal, but his later sculptures are so much more raw, so much more emotional, so much more…real).

But there’s a lot more to it than that. It’s almost as if Keats knows, long before he is seriously sick, long before he actually dies, that his death is an essential part to his life. From taking care of his dying, tubercular mother as a child, to learning the crude rules of early 19^th century English surgery, to taking care of his dying, tubercular brother, to finally his own ever-nagging ill-health, death permeates Keats’ whole life. It is as if death follows him around, and instead of trying to fight it, Keats, very early on, accepts death, and works with it as best he can. When he finally starts to get seriously ill, he identifies (through his surgical training and the care he gave his mother and brother) exactly what was wrong with him, and tries to live around it. He publishes a book and falls deeper in love with Fanny Brawne. He is used to death. It’s both a sad fact, but something that seems to have possibly been necessary to his work. Perhaps if Keats weren’t so aware of the fragility of life, he wouldn’t have given up surgery for writing. Perhaps is he wasn’t so aware of the fragility of life, he wouldn’t have been so transparent and able to readily express life and it’s beauties in his work. I don’t know, these are just speculations. But I feel that in saying “I think I shall be among the English Poets after my death”, Keats is acknowledging his own death and the importance it plays in his poetry.

It is such a famous quote now, that we’ve lost the connection to Keats in it, the part of the quote that comes from a human. Now it's just a cool saying that enforces the stereotype that artists get famous after death. But that's not what Keats was going for when he wrote it, that is not what it is really about. It’s a person coming to terms with his life. It is a moment of acceptance, in many ways.

Life Mask

Death Mask